Thursday, 26 March 2015

This week's absurdities

In no particular order:

1. People being upset because Jeremy Clarkson was sacked, or more accurately, didn't have his contract renewed - it pains me to admit it, as I like Jezza, but the Beeb got this one right: you just can't hit work colleagues and there not be consequences. And let's face it, Top Gear had got a bit tired and repetitive in the last couple of series, so this might be the creative kick up the backside he/they need. (And to anyone who thinks worse of me because I like Clarkson/Top Gear.....well, I like tofu, lentils and bicycles too, but that doesn't make me a Hoxton hipster now does it?)

2. People on Twitter saying that all those who'd signed the 'Keep Clarkson' online petition were, variously, "condoning bullying", "saying it was ok to hit people", "standing up for a racist, sexist idiot". No they weren't; they were just in their own little world, hoping that their favourite presenter on their favourite TV programme wouldn't be sacked. Worthy? No. Bad people? Probably not.

3. "Jazz hands" rather than applause at some women-only branch of an NUS conference. Apparently, applause can unsettle and disrupt speakers, so delegates were urged to do "jazz hands" rather than clap when they agreed with a point. I'm not making this up, honestly. First, I'd loved to have seen it in action, would have been the best laugh I've had in ages. Second, I'm thinking of encouraging my colleagues at work to do the same - every time I make a particularly good point in a meeting, I'd love it if they could "jazz hands" me, as it were; it would brighten things up no end. No sure how well it would work on conference calls however

4. Cameron and Miliband playing "how big's my willy" over which taxes they could rule out raising. It might have been quite entertaining, and the look on Miliband's face when Cameron ruled out increasing VAT was priceless, but really fellas, 1) how the hell do you know what's going to happen economically and fiscally in the next five years, and 2) have you checked the national debt level recently?

5. Strava - for those not of an athletic bent, Strava is an app for recording rides, runs, walks etc. It maps your route, gives average times, total distance, and compares your efforts to others. According to Strava, I ran 5.6 miles at 5.24 a mile yesterday morning. Also, my name is Mandy van Hoogenstrat. How can the app not keep hold of its GPS signal at 6am in central London for goodness sake?

Anyway, the servants have arrived with supper, so I'll love you and leave you.

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